Why We Don't Look Back
by weatheredlaw
Summary: Yugi's father is dying and his mother insists he come back home. Alone. Yugi shows up with Yami anyway, insisting that his mother and his lover get to know one another better while Yugi tries to reconnect with his father. Will it end in pain or love?
1. Changing Everything

**A/N: **Hey there everyone! I couldn't believe all the great reviews I got of "One For The Books," so I'm writing a sequel. It's going to be about.....whatever I guess. Not sure. I'd like to concentrate on Yugi and his family, because I feel like that's a concept that usually only explored through abuse. And I hate abusive parents. So I won't write about them. My apologies to tinkletimekelley for the family OC's.

**Disclaimer: I own only my plots and OC's.**

**Chapter 1: Changing Everything -- Yugi**

I worried that after a year of living in Egypt, Yami and I would lose what we had. That it would really turn out to be just another sham and we'd lose everything. I honestly thought that it was going to flop. And then I realized, if I kept thinking that, it would. So I stopped. The first year passed and we were still there. We had our tiny apartment on the edge of the city, close to the museum's excavation building, and we were happy. Happier than we'd ever been in Domino City. When the second year began to creep up on us, I thought that this would be the year it ended. But Yami scolded me for having such thoughts. Told me they were empty and only there to make me feel like this wasn't going to work. That the shadow of our old troubles would follow me wherever I went, but only if I let it. So I stopped. Stopped letting whatever bad feelings were still drifting around govern my life.

We'd only been back once, but spent an entire month there for Joey and then Tea's wedding. It had been strange, being back, knowing that we were now so separate from it all. That had been over a year ago. We hadn't been back since. And we liked it that way. Egypt was where Yami belonged and I belonged with him, so as long as we were together, I knew I was happy. And as long as he had work, I knew he would stay happy. He liked having something to do. Liked knowing that people needed and relied on him for answers and guidance.

Lying awake in our bed, a small deformed thing that just barely fit two people, I stare at the ceiling waiting for him to come home. It's nearly twelve at night. I sigh, itching all over with restlessness. I'm not tired, but I know he will be when he gets in. I know he'll want to collapse, wait til the morning to talk, make love, touch or make contact in any way whatsoever. I roll over on my side and push myself out of bed, walking to the sliding door in our room and pushing it open, stepping out into the light of the full moon that is hanging over Cairo tonight. The railing is cool on my bare stomach. I close my eyes and let the dry wind wash over my face. I've become a lover of the desert, and the desert has become my second self. I smell cigarette smoke and hear a faint sigh.

"Good evening Sayra," I say to the young girl who lives next door. She's Mexican, but went to school in the States where she met an older professor. After she graduated, they moved out here. He's working on a paper while she works in a perfume shop.

"Is it?" she asks. Her pessimism is annoying, but I put up with it. "The professor is drunk," she mutters, sucking on her cigarette and scowling. "Want one?"

"I don't smoke."

"You should. It's good for you." She laughs, a strange hollow noise that isn't real. I press my tongue hard against my teeth, forcing words I want to say back. She smiles and walks closer to the railing we share. "You look good," she says. "Work out?" I shake my head. I'm in pajama bottoms with no shirt. If I'd known she'd be out here, I would have worn a shirt. Or a turtle neck. Or stayed inside. She shrugs. "How's your boyfriend?"

"He's great. Should be here soon." I hear the front door open.

"Nice call," she purrs, smiling at me. I sigh and wave.

"Night, Sayra."

"_Buenos noches_ Yugi." She waves back and puts out her cigarette, stepping back in. I go back inside, locking the door tightly and closing the curtains.

"_Aibou,_ what are you still doing awake?"

"It's midnight, Yami."

"You should sleep." He comes over and kisses my forehead, my temple, down my face, my neck. I hold him close and wonder how I got so lucky. How the hell I got to live this life and not the life of an animal doomed for consumption. He runs his hands all over my chest, sending shivers all down my body. I push him away and smile.

"How was the meeting?" He'd met earlier with a Cambridge professor. He shakes his head.

"Not good. He doesn't like the way we work and he intends on correcting that while he's here. It's going to be a long summer, _aibou_." He pulls off his shirt and pants, crawls into bed and closes his eyes. I switch off the light and throw us into darkness. Even in the shadows, I can see him. His calloused hand grasps my own, pulling me down to him. I curl up next to him, feeling safe and protected, just like I always did before.

"I'm sorry about that," I whisper into his neck.

"Nothing to worry about. Were you talking to your girlfriend out there?" I laugh. Feel him hum with amusement.

"Yeah, I was."

"She's in love with you."

"She's barking up the wrong tree, that's for sure."

"Indeed she is." We're quiet for some time. I know he's drifting off to sleep, but we haven't touched each other in weeks. I start to kiss his neck, working my way down. He sighs in approval until I reach between his legs. "_Aibou_."

"Shh." I take him in my mouth. I know he loves it when I do things like this, take a bit of my own control. Prove to him that, even when we're both nearing thirty, I can still hold my own just like I could ten years ago, when we first became lovers. I remember this, as he is grasping the sheets and saying my name, that it's been nearly ten years. It's June. Next month will be our anniversary. He comes quietly, just like he always does, with a soft groan. I move back up and let him taste what I've tasted. We lay like that for some time until I shift and rest next to him. "Ten years," I whisper.

"We had a little bump."

"A six year a bump, yeah, but ten years ago next month, you stayed with me and we made love for the first time." He nods and smiles, sleep heavy in his eyes. "Sleep," I whisper into his ear. And I'm about to follow my own advice when the phone rings.

"God dammit," he says harshly. "If that's one of my fucking students I swear to God, I'll-"

"I'll get it," I say, kissing him and standing. He sighs and pulls the sheets over him. "Hello?"

"Yugi?"

"Mother," I say in a quiet breath so Yami can't hear. They don't get along at all these days. "What is it? It's nearly one here."

"It's your father. Yugi, I need you to come home. The cancer, it's-" I know already. I've known for months now. The cancer that is eating away at my father is going to take him from me.

"He's going to die."

"You don't have to say it that way," she snaps. I sigh. I knew he was sick. Was going to die and I had hoped that I wouldn't have to be a part of it. I love my father, but I didn't want to deal with the other end of the parental unit. "He wants to see you. Can you come here?"

"Probably, yeah."

"And can you do it without _him_?" she asks quickly.

"Probably _not_, mother."

"Well you're not staying in my house," she says. She recently moved back to Domino City and bought a small house. "If you'll recall the last time you and he were together and-"

"I remember, mom." Oh yes I remember. Remember it all. "Why are you calling anyway? You haven't lived with dad since I was like nine."

"Your father is still your father, whether I'm his wife or not. Now I'd appreciate it if we could do this like civil human beings, Yugi."

"Yeah, yeah. You just remember to do the same."

"What?"

"Nothing. I'll call you tomorrow." I quickly hang up the phone. For a moment, I stand there. My father is dying. I try to remember good and fun things we've done, but he's always been so busy. Always here or there. Occaisionally he'd come to Domino and take me someplace. But I never expected much from him. My mother was a pain to live with and he liked to stay far away. We wrote more than anything. I've got boxes full of post cards and photographs from places he's been. There's one of him meeting some big deal prime minister that I love because he just looks like a little kid meeting a super hero.

"_Aibou_? What is it?" He's standing there in the entrace of our bedroom, looking worried. He's always worried.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep." He shakes his head and gives me a stern look. I groan and walk toward him, resting my head on his shoulder. "It's just my mother calling. Telling me things I already know."

"That she hates me and wishes you'd date someone who can actually give birth?" I laugh. Nod. "It's your father, isn't it?" I take his hand. I look at the difference in us. I've grown tanner over the past year or so. My finger tips have become rougher from typing on the type writer he bought me for my birthday after the airport lost my laptop. I like it better. The noises it makes. But he is so much darker and rougher than me. He lifts my chin up and kisses me.

"He's dying," I say quietly. Our foreheads come together. Our minds and hearts come together. Like they are meant to be.

"You will go." I nod. "And you'll take me, yes?" I laugh and nod again. "Anything to piss off your mother."

We go back to bed. Sleep. He doesn't have to work in the morning so I let him sleep. I call the airport, buy two tickets for the next day and call my mother. Going outside, I already miss the desert. I already miss what we are now, knowing that this trip could change everything.


	2. You'll Always Be Back

**A/N:** Yay! Next chapter. It's not so good right now- I'm just getting into the swing of the story. Thanks for all the great reviews on the last story and I hope you love this one, too!! And remember, Yugi's chapters are in first person, while Yami's are in second. ^^

**Disclaimer: I own only my plots and OC's.**

**Chapter 2: You'll Always Be Back -- Yami**

You're not pleased that we're going to visit your mother and your father. The look on your face tells me the truth, even when you say you don't mind. We're in the airport, waiting for our flight. It seems like hours ago, we woke up, when it was only this morning. You were at the breakfast table, staring at the wall.

"I don't want to," you whispered.

"Yugi?"

"Morning!" I don't think you knew I was there, so I pretended like I'd heard nothing. "Sleep well?"

"Like stone." I've been tired for days and we finally got a chance to sleep in yesterday. But today, we're up early. Dawn hasn't even arrived yet. You were dressed and ready. Our suitcases were by the front door. "Coffee?"

"On the counter." I nodded, pick up the pot. Pour. Every morning is the same, but this one would end very differently. I came around and put my hands on your shoulders.

"Are you worried?"

"No," you lied. "It'll be fine. I need you to do something for me though." I nodded. "Get along with my mother, okay?" My hands left your shoulders. I sat down next to you and looked directly into your eyes. "I'm serious, Yami. I need you to do this for me. She's my mother. As much as she gets on my nerves, I love her. And I can't keep going through this thinking we can avoid her."

"We're hundreds of miles away. We can avoid whoever we want!"

"No." You shook your head. "That's not how this works. She's my mother and she doesn't like you. We're going to fix that."

"I'm sorry Yugi, but I don't think-"

"This isn't really something for you to think about," you said suddenly. You were angry, I could see that. "You will get along with my mother, even if it kills you, understand?" I nodded. "Good." You kissed my forehead and finished your coffee. "We need to go." I nodded, finished my own mug, and grabbed my suitcase. Already there was tension. I don't want to go on this trip. I don't want to talk to your mother and I don't want to watch your father die. But I'll go with you, if only to make sure no one tries to keep you from me. Because I can already feel that this trip will put pressure on our relationship. I can already feel it weighing down on us. Our small argument this morning was only the beginning, though I wish otherwise.

On the flight we are quiet. Too quiet for my taste. You sleep the entire way there. Like you're saving energy for what you're going to have to do. We both know what this could do to you, to me, to us. But we say nothing. When you wake up, we're five minutes from the airport and it's mid afternoon. The time skip has made you disoriented.

"Where are we?"

"Almost there."

"Damn," you mutter, and try to go back to sleep, but the pilot begins his descent.

It's summer in Domino City, but it's not dry. Rain is falling in torrents. We're both displeased. I can see it in your face. You miss the desert already. I do. We both do. I grip your hand tightly and we make our way out of the gate.

"Joey should be here," you say quietly, peering around. And like he heard you, his voice rings loud and clear through the crowd.

"Hey Yug! Over here!" He's waving like a maniac. You walk faster to him and he wraps you in a hug that is laced with longing and lost time. Joey and I shake hands. "Man, I thought you guys were gonna get held up by all that rain. Hannah was all worried about you. You remember Hannah, right?"

"Your wife Joe. Couldn't forget that one," you say smiling. He laughs.

"Well let's get outta here. I hate airports." We make our way out and to his car, listening to Joey ramble on about the Dueling Academy and his daughter.

"You have a daughter?" you say suddenly.

"Uh, yeah. Didn't you get the pictures?" You shake your head. Joey throws a quick glance at me, like I had something to do with it. But I didn't. I am just a ignorant of this fact as you are. "Her name's Grace. She's a beauty. All blonde and bubbly." He smiles as he lifts your suitcase into the trunk. I am left to do this with my own by myself. It is obvious that Joey and I are not as close as we once were. But I'm unfazed. This isn't about me and your friends. This is about you and your father. And me and your mother, if you have your way. But you always do.

Tea and her husband are at Joey's house. It's like a couples convention. You and me, Joey and Hannah, Tea and Paul. Only I am not welcome. I get sidelong glances from Joey and Tea while you talk about our life in Cairo. You talk about your new book, a nonfiction work chronicalling the history of the Valley of the Kings. "Yami's a neverending pit of information," you say poking my arm. "I don't know what I'd do without him."

"Be here, I guess," Joey says quietly, sipping on some coffee. You fall silent. Shrug.

"I suppose."

"You like having him out there?" he asks quietly, staring straight at me.

"Joey-"

"Do you?"

"We agreed we wouldn't do this," Tea hisses under her breath.

"Do what?" you demand, standing. "Nevermind. I need to see my father. You stay here," you say to me.

"_Aibou_," I whisper as you're pulling on a coat. Tea and her husband are going to drive you to his house. "Let me come with you."

"Tomorrow," you say roughly. Then, softer, "Just stay upstairs in our room. He's upset about something, but we'll work through it. I just need this time with my father, okay?" I nod, kiss you quietly and quickly, and the let you go. You linger next to me for just a moment, as if reassuring me that you'll be back. But I know you will. You'll always be back.

* * *

**Two Notes:** This will get better. And the OC's are going away. They're pretty much just background shit. I like making them older and married because it makes it feel more realistic. Instead of having them single and pining for Kaiba and New York City. Because that's not life. Sorry if the OC's bug you, but they're there and that's that. I love you all, but it's a necessary evil.


	3. Fix Themselves

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews! I love you all. Now, on with the story!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plots and OC's.**

**Chapter 3: Broken -- Yugi**

I am grateful that neither Tea nor her husband seem very talkative. Tea just says that Joey's been frustrated lately and that me not getting the photos was just bad icing on a bad cake. I shrug. It isn't my fault the photos never got to me. I don't control the fucking mail. I'm angry, yes, but I'm beginning to think leaving Yami with Angry Joey is probably not the best idea. I reason with myself: we all used to be friends, how bad can it be? Besides, I had more important things to worry about: like my father for instance. And whether my mother would be there, which made no sense.

When I was seven, my parents separated. It had been mutual, but up until that point, it had also been war. I can't count how many times they had a fight. How much shit got broken. How many times the front door slammed. How many times I covered my ears so hard they hurt. I hated it. For two years before they split, it was like living in a war zone: you had to watch out or the enemy would sneak up behind you and bomb the hell out of your market place. Meaning I had to watch out or my parents fighting would get the cops called, or make me late to school, or make dinner just a small glimmer of hope.

The next year, I was eight, and my parents told me that they were getting a divorce. And that it didn't change anything. And that they still loved me. Oh, and as a side note? We're dropping you off to live with your grandpa while we go have real lives. Bye!

Well, fuck that shit. I mean, I love my grandpa, I really do. And I miss him now that he's gone. But when you're eight, living with your grandpa is probably one of the cruelest things you could do. Sure, he owned a game shop. Sure, he wasn't that old. Sure he used to be this really kick-ass explorer in Egypt. Or something like that. But when you're eight, other kids want to know that you're like them. And since most kids who lived with their grandparents had dead parents, not stupid parents, I wasn't welcome there either. I wasn't an orphan. But I didn't have a real family.

And did I mention I was short?

Like, until I was eighteen, I was about five foot one? And that I was that height between the fifth grade and senior year? No one likes short people. Short people who are old enough to drive get made fun of. And that, my friends, is the honest to God truth.

Now I'm taller. My grandpa is dead, my dad is dying, and my mother and I don't get along. If my life had been like this when I was eight, I have a strange feeling I would have fit in more. Call me crazy, but fucked up family structures win big points with kids.

As we near my father's house, my pulse rate quickens. I haven't seen him since I left, but before that, our meetings were sparse. I think about running. Think about standing in the rain for four hours and watching the cars pass. I think about pretending that he's dead and telling Yami and we can just go home now, back to the desert where it is dry and simple and beautiful. Where no one is dying but Sayra and her heart, where I am allowed to fix things and am forgiven if they must remain broken. I must remain broken. This rift between me and my father must remain broken.

But I go in anyway. I knock three times. And when it looks like no one will answer and I'm about to turn away and lie down in the middle of the river that is the road, a man opens the door. He's stooped and thin and has deep purple eyes. And I don't recognize him. But it's him.

It's my father. And he's more broken than I could have imagined.

I don't know what else to do other than wrap him in my arms. He seems so cold. So thin. And my heart is breaking while I look at him.

"Yugi," he says quietly. And lets me in. The house smells of sickness. There's a humidifier in the living room and tupperware bowl of medication in the kitchen. He walks with a cane. He seems so old. Older than I remembered. I know he was a good twenty years older than my mother, but even now, he should only be in his fifties. He looks eighty.

"Where's you guy, that kid, what's his name?"

"Yami."

"Yeah, where is he?"

"With Joey. It's just us today dad. You can see him later."

"I like him." _Great. One point for Yami_.

"He knows. I left him with Joey, but that may not have been a good idea."

"No? Why?"

"I don't know. Joey's upset about something." He shrugs, sits shakily on the sofa. "How are you?"

"Dying, but that's been going on for a while."

"I know that, but, you know, I mean-"

"I'm fine, Yugi. Better, now that you're here. I know a couple hours won't ever make up for all the lost time but, I can sure as hell try, can't I?"

"Yeah, you can," I say, smiling. I've always loved my father. Always. And I always knew he loved me. There was just something there. Something was always broken. And it will always be broken. This is obvious from the way we talk about our lives. How much I've changed. How much he's changed. He looks at me so strangely, like he's seeing right through everything. Like he knows how much I'm afraid of this trip. And he understands.

We talk for an hour until I hear a honk outside. I peer through the window. "Mom," I say quietly. He nods. Pushes himself off the sofa. I hug him lightly. He's fragile, sick, and breakable. He's falling apart in front of me and I don't know what to do about it. I'm crying. He wipes the tear away.

"This is life, Yugi. We live, we get sick, we die. But the most important thing of all is that we never regret and ever look back, you understand?" I nod. "I don't regret your childhood. It's made you stronger, hasn't it?" I nod. "I look at you, and I don't see that little boy anymore. I see a real man. And not only that, but I see a man who knows where his bliss is. Who has found true happiness. With the person he loves. Go now. I'll see you later." He gives me a light kiss on my cheek. I can feel his tears, too. And I can feel how broken he is. How broken we all are.

"Well?" my mother asks when I get in the car.

"Well what?"

"I see you didn't bring him."

"Does everything always have to be about how much you don't like Yami? I'm here to see dad. Not listen to you bitch about my personal choices, alright?"

"I was just saying."

"Well, stop saying. I've got a headache," I lie, closing my eyes and leaning against the window. It's cold. Does it ever fucking stop raining here? I glower at the sky.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In retrospect, I should have known it was a bad idea to leave Yami with Joey. I really should have. Because when I enter the house, Joey is on a small rampage, methodically grading papers from the academy and bitching to Hannah about what an ass Yami is.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" I ask, spooking him.

"He hid those pictures! I know he did! First he comes back here, sweeps you off your feet. Then he drags you back to Egypt-"

"No body was _dragged_ to Egypt Joey. I went there. Of my own free will."

"Then he hides things from you!" he finishes, as if I've said nothing. "I know he hid those pictures! I know he did."

"Where is he?"

"In the room upstairs. Probably laughing his ass off at me."

He's not. He's upstairs trying to sleep. He's exhausted from the week before with work and the time change. Jet lag is written all over both of us.

"Come downstairs." He nods, pushes himself off the bed, follows me. When we're back in the kitchen, I stand between him and Joey. Look right at him. "Did you hide those pictures?"

"What pictures?"

"You know what pictures you fuckin-" Joey begins. I shush him.

"The pictures Joey sent." Yami nods. "Did you hide them?"

"No," he says without hesitating. And I know he didn't.

"Alright then, that's settled. Now both of you are going to get along, or I'm moving you in with my mother," I say to Yami. "And I'm getting a hotel room, got it?" They nod.

I don't know how everything got this way. How everything around me became so broken. My best friend, my lover, my father, my mother, my family. I don't know how it got this way. But as I walk back upstairs, I realize something: it's not my job to pick up the pieces. It never was. So I won't dwell over Joey's newfound hatred of Yami. Or of my mother growing hatred for him. Or over my dying father. Or my homesick lover. I will not dwell at all. I will rest. Because I don't need to fix these things. If I've learned anything over the years, it's that, eventually, these things will fix themselves.


	4. Never Mine

**A/N:** Hey guys. Oh man, I've got all these little ideas for drama going on in my head. I've got to get them out. So here's another chapter!!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plots and OC's.**

**Chapter 4: Never Mine -- Yami**

When we're at home, we don't have to hide. But as we lay together in the guest room of Joey's house, I can feel secrecy enveloping us. No one can know that I am slowly stripping you of your clothing. Or that you are biting my shoulder as I slide in and out of you. Or that to keep quiet I must once again place my mouth over yours. To insure secrecy. To keep the silence. To keep the peace. You come with a gasp and a shudder. I can feel your breath slowing down. I can feel you falling asleep. I can feel your breathing. I can feel the comfort that is your love for me surrounding my heart. But I can feel the cracks that are there. The things we avoid talking about. The people we don't mention. The feelings we ignore. All that. I can feel it.

"What's wrong?" you whisper in my ear. "What are you worried about?"

"Nothing."

"Liar." You smile and push me off of you, facing me. "Tell me," you say, placing your forehead against mine.

"I'm just...worried about what this trip will do." You nod.

"So am I." You bury your head into my neck. "So am I..."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was never clear to me before why your mother never liked me. But as I sit across from her at Joey's breakfast table, and I feel her probing, angry eyes watching us eat, I realize something: there really isn't a good reason. At least, not one that I know. While she and I avoid eye contact, you make bubbly small talk with her.

"What will you guys do?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe go to the park?"

"Maybe."

"You could get lunch."

"We could." Sighing, you stop talking to her. It was your idea that she and I spend time together. That we get to know one another. You promise me that tomorrow, we're both going to go visit your father. That you're spending time with Tea, Joey, and Tristan today. That I'm going to have to suck it up and be a man. That I can do. Or at least pretend to do.

Your mother and I find ourselves, an hour later, in relatively the same position as before. We're on a park bench, sitting in silence, watching a homeless woman feed pidgeons.

"Strange," you say. "That a woman with no food would spare the little she receives with birds."

"It's called kindness."

"A rarity these days."

"Indeed." Our conversation for the day ends there. We head back to Joey's house and bid our good byes.

"How'd it go?" you ask as you help Hannah prepare dinner.

"Not bad. Not good either. It didn't really....go, actually, anywhere." You shrug. As if you were expecting that. Maybe you were.

"Yugi's ma isn't exactly the most entertaining person," Joey says quietly as he enters the room. He and I have made a small truce. No one talks about Egypt or the photos and we're fine. For now. Hannah, it seems, has made Joey promise to leave me alone. She doesn't want to upset the baby. I want to run like hell back to Egypt.

"They'll patch things up. I'm sure of it." You're confidence is comforting, but it's not enough. I know that you think we'll never be able to do this, but you have hope. You really love her because she's your mother. And you want things to turn out well. But she and I know, and think, otherwise. Even if I wanted to, even if I gave all the time in the world to your mother and to the relationship she and I don't actually have, it would not be enough. Because you and I both know she could never give that much back.

The next day, as you promised, we see your father. I've only met him once and he wasn't sick then. He's thin. God, he's so thin. Thin like death and he looks of it as well. Like any moment he won't be there. I'm beginning to feel like the only things that bring us back here are weddings and death. Perhaps Tristan should get married next. And then your mother could die. Which is an awful thought and I'm glad, for once, we no longer share a mind link. I don't want you to know I hate her that much. But then, of course, we'd be done coming here. No more trips.

"So you're the guy that stole my little Yugi. Well, you're a lucky son of a bitch, I can tell you that much. My kid here's the nicest guy you'll ever meet."

"He really is."

"And he's funny too! Makes me laugh every time."

"Dad."

"What? I can't compliment my son? Oh, Yugi, we didn't spend enough time together. We need to go back. Back and back and back and fix all this, you know?"

"If only," you murmur.

Your father really does like me, strangely enough. You tell him I'm trying to get along with your mother and he nods appreciatively. "I've tried that, too." Then he laughs. It's this loud rumbling sound that fills the room, despite his sickly appearance. You smile. It's a comforting sound, your father's laugh. I can see how it makes you feel. If I were to touch you, I know I could feel the warmth inside you, spreading every which way as you listen to your father's laughter. I look at you and see a tired boy. A boy who wants to crawl into the lap of his father and ask him to make it all better. And I feel bad, right now, that I'm here. I'm here and this is supposed to be your time. Yours and his. His and yours. Not mine.

Never mine.


	5. Shove

**A/N:** Sigh. I'm not all that happy with this fic right now. Not. At. All. I'm hoping it gets better. Glad you liked the one shot. ^^ I really don't want to be writing this anymore, so I'm just going to turn on the drama-llama and see where that gets us, alright? Alright. You guys trust me, right? Good. Because things are about to go from tense to fucked up. Just watch.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plots and OC's.**

**Chapter 5: Shove -- Yugi**

Our trip is supposed to last a little over a week. It's been four days now and I can already see Yami is exhausted. That he's done avoiding Joey's glares and Tea's tear-filled glances. Only Tristan seems to be on any level of normalcy. I make him swear to make sure Joey doesn't kill Yami before the trip is over. The photograph debacle was enough for me. I don't need anymore bullshit.

I've got a dying father to reconcile with.

On that fourth day, there is nothing in the air to suggest that something might go wrong. There is nothing to suggest that something will happen. Nothing at all. I leave Yami alone with my mother at Joey's house. They're going to do something today and I told them they'd better be back by the time I returned to let me know how it went. I feel like a fucking second grade teacher. I don't want to get mad at either of them, but they're not trying and they need to. I need them to. Because I can't go on living with Yami and loving him, while pretending that none of this matters. I can't pretend that his nonexistant relationship with my mother isn't dragging us down a little bit. That it isn't the cause to most of the fights we have.

Fights with him tear me up inside. I don't function right. Don't say things right. Don't think right. I do stupid things. The last time we fought, I started walking into the desert. They told me I could have died. Told me I was lucky a sand storm didn't kick up and cover and kill and lose me. He was even angrier when they found me. Angry and broken and scared. I'd never seen him so scared in my life. A scared Yami is a frightening sight. He's brave and solid, but when fear touches him, he's a mess. A shaking, shivering mess. And I felt responsible for it. I really did.

While Yami and my mother make small talk, I run errands. I check on the man who bought the game shop. I buy something from him. I see Seto Kaiba. We play Duel Monsters. But there are no holograms, no stakes, no God cards. We play in his office, on his desk, and we talk. Kaiba is an asshole, yes. But he's a good guy when he wants to be. And right now, he's being a good guy. I win the duel fair and square and he just smiles. Congratulates me. Asks me how I like the desert. How the Pharaoh is. How life is. My books, my home, everything. He wants to know.

"I think you miss me."

"That's proposterous."

"Liar."

"Hmph. If you've come here to be sentimental-"

"But I already have. We've just played a game. I won. Just like old times, eh Kaiba?" He shakes his head and smiles.

"I suppose it gets a little lonely around here without a runt like you running around. I wanted you to teach you know."

"I'm busy, Kaiba."

"And in Egypt." I nod. We say our good byes. Shake hands. Walk away.

Like I said, there's nothing about today to suggest it will go wrong.

Nothing at all.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I see them fighting before I hear them. Through the window. My mother is obvious when she's angry. She throws her hands in the air and points and turns around in a huff, then turns back accusingly. I remember it from my childhood. And as I walk closer, Yami's exasperated face is replaced by my father. Shrunken and sad and desperate for his wife to forgive him. I open the door. Neither notice me.

"You've taken him away from me! From us!"

"I've done no such thing! It isn't my fault you can't accept our lo-"

"Love? Is that what you think this is? This thing the two of you have? I've seen you. You don't love him."

"Don't you _dare_ tell me how I feel about Yugi! Don't you dare! You're blind and ignorant of the truth and you don't care!"

"I don't care! I don't care about my own son! You stupid _stupid_ man! I bet you never knew your mother! That's why you don't understand why I'm so afraid for Yugi! I'm afraid for him because-"

"You're just afraid of the choices he's making. You're so wrapped up in the sexuality, gay straigh marriage babies _bullshit_ you're not even paying attention to the fact that-"

"STOP IT." They turn and look at me. I'm shaking. Anger is flooding through me. Appropriately, it begins to thunder and rain, as has for four days now.

"Yugi," Yami says, stepping over to me. He touches my arm. I push him away.

"I told you to try! And you promised me! You promised me you would!"

"_Aibou_-"

"Don't! Don't call me that! Don't do this right now! You promised. And so did you!" If my mother thinks she is free from my anger, she is mistaken. "Leave."

"Yugi, honey-"

"Mother. Leave." She grabs her purse. Glares at both of us. And stalks out of the room. I turn back to Yami. He's slouched a little. Ashamed. He should be. "Why? Why did you do that?"

"She-"

"Don't. Say. She started it. Don't, alright? God _dammit_ Yami, I thought you said you were going to try."

"I did try, _aibou_. I did. But she-"

"Stop it! Stop blaming her! That's all you two do is fucking blame one another. It's not her fault. It's not yours. You guys need to share the blame and get over yourselves." I look at him. "I love you. I really do. And you know that. But I won't go back with you if this is what your relationship with my mother is going to be like."

"What?"

"You heard me. I'll stay here. I won't go back. I love you, but I'll be damned if I have to live with you like this."

"Don't say that."

"Don't tell me what to say! Don't tell me what to do, alright? Why the fuck is it still raining?" I yell.

"Yugi-" He comes over to me, but I shove him. Hard. He falls over. Rolls over a chair and hits the ground. I just stare at him.

"So. This is the way it is."

"I guess so." He stand and opens the door, walks outside. I follow him. We're drenched in seconds. "So that's it? You're just going to leave like this?"

"You're the one who doesn't want me!"

"What the hell? Where did you get that?"

"All week! All week I've dealt with your friends staring at me. With your mother hating me. All week! I knew this was a bad idea! I told you you should have left me at home. I told you!"

"I wanted you to come because I wanted you to make up with my mother!"

"Well I won't!" He tris to walk by me but I grab him. "Get off!" Now he's shoving me. I stumble. Shove him back. We're shoving at one another. Pushing and pulling. We're both crying, I can hear it. I grab his shirt and push. Harder than before. He skids along the sidewalk in front of Joey's house. My vision isn't clear. I turn away from him.

I go to cross the street.

I hear the car.

I hear it try to break.

I feel it.

I am weightless. For a moment.

I hear his voice.

And I and I want to say, with all my heart, that the last thing I hear before I black out, before I see my own blood and faint, is his voice. Yami's voice. Crying out my name. I do hear him. But the last thing I hear and see is the driver of the car, standing over me.

"What the fuck were you thinking?"


	6. You're A Good Man

**A/N:** Like I said, you guys trust me, right?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plots and OC's.**

**Chapter 6: You're A Good Man -- Yami**

_What the fuck were you thinking?_

_Thinking? _

_What was he thinking?_

_What are you thinking aibou?_

I watch you. I have to. I am frozen to the ground, soaked to the bone. The car skids on the wet pavement. Send you flying. Your blood. God, your blood, it's everywhere. It's a wonder there's any left in you. But you keep bleeding. God you keep bleeding. Why won't it stop?

Why can't I make it all stop?

I run, splashing, to you. Drop to the ground next to you. "Yugi! Yugi, dear God, Yugi please wake up. Please! Please wake up." I am begging with you now. Pleading. Screaming at you. I don't know what else to do. My heart and my head aren't even working right. Just my hands. Just my hands that find the cut on your side. The cut from the car. How it cut you I don't know. I look at the car. See your blood. See your torn shirt. I look at you. See the gash that is running through you.

Shallow breaths.

Breathe. Breathe.

Swallow water. Water, rain. It's raining. When was the last time it rained in Egypt?

"Yugi, please. Please _aibou_. My _hikari_. Please, please wake up. Please don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't, don't, don't leave me." Sirens and lights. Shallow breathing. Arms pulling me away. I hear myself screaming. Screaming to let me go, for you to wake up. I hear a voice. A confident demanding voice. The arms let me go. But I can't rush back to you. Another holds me back.

"He's going to be alright. He's going to be okay. You're okay, you're okay. It's all okay." At some point, I can no longer say your name. Because I can no longer see you. Where are you? Where did you go? Yugi, Yugi, please. Don't leave me. The man has his arms around me. He is talking to someone. To me. He's talking to me. Takes me to his car. Sits me down. Hands me something. A towel? A blanket. "Dry off," he commands. We begin to follow the ambulence. I look over.

Tristan.

I've seen him once since we've arrived, but I was distracted. Hadn't noticed him. Hadn't noticed how he'd grown up. Changed. He follows the ambulence and glances over at me.

"I was on my way over. Saw the whole thing. Even in the rain, that hair's hard to miss." A joke. He laughs. I stare. "Right." He stops talking to me. Then, "You gonna use that thing or what?" I nod. Begin to dry myself off. "He's gonna be okay you know. Yugi. I mean, I don't know how he does it, but the guy just doesn't stop, you know? He'll outlive all of us." A comfort. Comforting words. Words meant to soothe me. Calm me. Stop my mind from racing. They don't work. I just keep thinking about the blood. The blood that is all over me, I realize. My clothes. My hands.

At the hospital they let me clean myself. But I won't change my clothes. Tristan and I sit. Listen to the doctor.

"He's going to be fine. Some internal bleeding, but nothing we can't fix. He'll heal up just fine."

"When will he be out?" Tristan asks.

"Not sure yet. Can't really say. But when I know, you'll know. Okay?"

"Well, that's a relief, right?"

But I am not relieved. Your mother rushes in, with Joey hot on her heels. She walks straight over to me as I stand to meet them. Brings her hand back.

SMACK.

Unfazed, I look back at her. She does it again. Grabs my shirt. Pounds at my shoulders. She's a small woman. Thin. Shorter than me. She's saying something. Something I can't hear. Tristan's trying to calm her down. Joey stands off, letting her hit me. The pounding slows. The tears come faster. Her head rests against my chest. I hold her to me. Something happens, in that moment. As your mother calms down, as her angry words give way to sobs, I whisper to her, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." She looks at me. A sob escapes her lips. She nods. She understands. Reaches up.

Wipes tears from my face.

Smiles.

"So am I."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

The doctor comforts your mother. Tells her they're doing everything they can and that you're is going to be just fine. "You'll be able to see your son very soon, ma'am. Very soon." She nods. Leans against me. We have calmed our shared waters. Somehow. We have reached this point, not without sacrifice and pain. But we've reached it all the same.

"This could get in the way of you two going home."

"We'll stay as long as we need to." She smiles and nods. Happy now. Both of us are.

"Where the hell did you get that hair?" I laugh. Shrug.

"Hey, uh, Yami?" I look up. Joey is standing there, looking sheepish. "Can I, uh, can I talk to you? Just for a sec?" I glance quickly at your mother.

"Go on," she says nodding. "I'll be fine."

"I'll be back soon." I follow Joey around a corner. He smiles, hands in his pockets.

"Listen. I owe you an apology. I mean, a big one. I really do."

"How so?" He pulls something from his jacket. An envelope. Sealed. Addressed. Stamped. Never mailed. Printed on it are the words "DO NOT BEND: PHOTOS."

"I found these this morning. They're the photos of the baby. I never sent them. I thought I did. But I didn't. You know me, I think I do stuff, I get impatient, I jump to conclusions. I mean, how many times when we were younger did my big mouth get me into hot water, you know?" We both laugh. "Anyway, I owe you a proper apology. I was angry and frustrated because I missed my friend. And you know, I missed you, too. And I was just a little-"

"Joey, it's alright."

"It is?"

"Yes. It is." He nods. Smiles. Hands me the pictures.

"No, no," I say quietly. "Mail them to us. After we leave." He laughs and slides the pictures back in his jacket.

"Okay. Okay." Suddenly he hugs me, tight. "You're a good man, Yami. You really are."


	7. Goodbyes

**A/N:** I told you guys. Just trust me. I'm getting so sick of this story. I love it, yeah, but I'm done. This chapter, then two more. because I like ending with Yugi. I'd end with this one, but it's just not the end yet, you know? Besides, I want to move onto my next project. But I WILL finish this. I WILL. All you reviewers: Thank you. You've kept me going.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plots and OC's. **

**Chapter 7: Goodbyes -- Yugi**

When I wake up, he's there next to me, in a chair, sleeping. I smile. Just like I'd hoped. The fight between us seems like days ago, but his clothes tell me the truth. They're covered in blood.

My blood.

I bled?

I remember now, remember the accident.

_What the fuck were you thinking?_

Yeah. I was kind of wondering the same thing.

He moves around. Opens his eyes.

"_Aibou_!" he says, standing and rushing over to me. "You're awake, you're alright!" I nod. Nod because my throat is dry. I reach for the water. He helps me drink.

"Yeah," I croak out, smiling. Relief washes over him. "I'm sorry."

"Shh. None of that. I've had enough apologies for one day." What?

"Yugi!" My mother rushes in. "Oh God, Yugi, you're alright."

"Yeah, I'm fine mother."

"You worried her."

"Me? I thought you were going to pace a hole in the floor." Yami laughs. My mother smiles.

Why the hell are my mother and Yami joking?

"What the fuck is going on?" I say loudly, sitting up.

"Shh!" they say together. I roll my eyes.

"You mean I had to get hit by a car for you two to make up?" Yami shrugs. "Well, at least it worked."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

It seems as though my little accident has brought everyone back together. In the hospital room, Joey, Tristan, Tea, and Yami surround me, and I feel like I used to. I feel like a little kid. We laugh. Tell stories. Remember. I think that the whole world could walk it right now and still not interrupt us. It's not because of the memories, really. It's because of the feeling. I keep feeling like this is going to last forever. But then I remember it won't. And I'm not actually upset. Or afraid. Or worried that I'll miss it. Because I don't need this anymore. It's just nice to have it back some times. I am released from the hospital two days later.

Just in time for my father to die.

I'm not sure what comes over me. But it is Yami who tells me. My mother calls. He's serious for a moment. Hangs up.

"_Aibou_. Your mother called."

"You guys are friends now, huh?" He nods. But he's too serious for me. "What is it?"

"It's your father. He's...he's gone Yugi." I am in the kitchen drinking water. I don't know what's wrong. I need water all the time now. I need to get back to the desert. So I won't be so wet. I nearly died in the rain. If I see another storm cloud, I'll kill someone. The glass in my hand slips out. Falls. Breaks. I am on the floor. How, I don't know. He's holding me, rocking me back and forth. I hear these strange noises.

I realize I am the one making them.

I will never get to say goodbye. This washes over me like a flood. Never get to say good-bye. Never. He rocks me until I am still and silent. Until the shaking stops. Until I can no longer make noises. And then he takes me upstairs. And we make love. And I cry as we do so. He whispers to me softly, just the way I like. I love you I love you I need you God I need you. He heals my heart with these words. Heals my heart with the way he touches me and makes love to me. I moan softly and the crying subsides. I want only to feel this. This moment. A singular point in time when we are trying to be careful with one another but really we're just this far away from breaking ourselves.

I find it strange that my mother and Yami are suddenly so friendly. Like this was the way they were always supposed to be. They plan on her coming to Egypt. Showing her around. She wants to see the museum, see the tombs where he works. He agrees it would be a good idea. I'm just happy they aren't pulling their hair out anymore. If I hear someone scream one more time, I may have to throw myself in front of moving traffic.

Again.

* * *

**sub A/N:** Gah. I'm sick of this story. Next chapter is the last one. I'm sorry it wasn't that good.


	8. This Is What I Wanted

**A/N:** I'm sorry. I really am. This is going to be short and final. Because I really want to move on. I kind of wish I hadn't written a sequel, but I did, so I have to live with it. Thanks for the reviews. Please help me with the next project!!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plots and OC's.**

**Chapter 8: This is What I Wanted -- Yami**

_Three Weeks Later_

We were delayed coming home. The doctor said you should rest a little longer and I wasn't about to leave you, so we stayed. Stayed for your father's burial. You cried into my shoulder the whole time. We stayed and waited for you to get better. They said sex was off limits, but we had it anyway. They said drinking was bad, but we did anyway. We did a lot of things anyway. You felt like you needed to. And I wanted to do anything the make you happier.

We fly back home and you couldn't be happier. The only problem:

It's raining in Cairo.

You scowel as we run for the car. "Damn rain. I swear..." But we live.

It feels like months since we've been in our apartment, but it's really just been a few weeks. You take one look at me and we are gone. Lightening and thunder crash and roll, but we make love just like we used to. It's the middle of the day. Dark and rainy. But I pull off your shirt and pants and kiss you. I'm starving for you. We fall onto the bed amid the rain and storm and make love because we have to because we need to because there isn't anything else to do.

When we're done, you open the window. It's stopped raining, barely. Small drops fall. I feel them coming into the room. Like the way they feel on my face.

"It'll be steamy tomorrow," you mutter.

"Is it not steamy enough for you here?" Laughing, you come away from the window and fall down, your head on my chest. I finger the cut on your side. The place where the car tried to cut you open. Where you bled all over me. It will scar. I press too hard and you hiss in pain. "Sorry _aibou_."

"No worries." You kiss me and we begin to fall asleep. For the first time in days, we sleep. Sleep until the next morning. You wake up and go outside. I follow you.

"Well well. _Buenos dias_ boys."

"Good morning Sayra."

"Did you enjoy being home?"

We just look at eachother and begin to laugh. She scowls and stalks off. Goes back inside. To be with her professor. To smoke more. To be away from us.

We kiss there on the balcony and you run your hands all over me.

"This is what I want," you whisper in my ear.

"Us?"

"No. You."

* * *

**sub A/N:** Okay! I'm done. This is finished. I'm going to start my new project now. Please help me out!! Also, I hope you enjoyed this story. I may re-write it someday. To make it less sucky.


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